All talk!

Dear friends,

I don’t know about you, but I spent my summer talking. 

I talked to friends, old and new; I talked to family, old and new, and I talked, of course, to customers, old and new. 

Summer offers up those early mornings, long lunches and late nights that allow for a different kind of conversation. Conversations you can start over your first cup of coffee, pause (ideally to read a book) and pick back up later; conversations where there is ample time and opportunity to have one opinion at the start and end up somewhere completely different hours or even days later.

This made me think of the much discussed and, in some corners, much mourned ‘lost art of conversation’. How we seem to have lost the interest in and, as a consequence, the ability to have honest and at times difficult conversations with people with whom we disagree. Instead, we have resigned to taking residence in our own ‘bubbles’, placing ourselves voluntarily and comfortably within the safe confines of our own opinions, choosing not to confront and challenge others - or indeed ourselves. 

In ancient Greece and Rome - cradles of our democracy - debate was not only accepted, but strongly encouraged, even paid for. In Socrates’ words (ish), truth was to be sought through questioning and debate for how else could we hope to become enlightened enough to make the right decision. ‘The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing’, he said, understanding that true knowledge only starts when you accept how much you still have to learn.  

With the increasingly narrow choices served up by algorithms and AI, our bubbles are becoming increasingly impenetrable, creating a reality where, ‘if this is all I’m seeing, this must be all that’s out there, and therefore most people must be agreeing with me’, which in turn makes the inevitable bubble burst that comes with hearing ‘the other side’ so much more shocking, divisive, and to many, worth avoiding at all cost.

Whether out of fear or complacency, we are increasingly shying away from truly engaging with friends and family with opposing views to ours, choosing comfort over confrontation, not realizing that a few minutes of - perhaps heated - debate can lead to a lifetime of better understanding.

We are all guilty of falling for the easy way out, especially in a world where we are made to feel that there are dangers lurking around every corner, so, this summer, I decided to dip my toe into the ice cold, at times treacherous, waters of disagreement and discuss thoughts and ideas so comfortable and reasonable inside my own mind, but much more tricky when faced by the ‘opposition’.

It seems to me that genuine advocacy for change must involve sitting with the discomfort of strong opposition and showing a willingness (and an ability) not just to stand one’s ground but also to listen and make the shift when the opposing argument is simply stronger than yours. Such endeavors take practice.

How did it go, you ask? Do I have any friends and family left to talk to? Well, I am happy (and relieved) to report that on the other side of those awkward conversations, tense silences and strong comebacks, we found ourselves more educated on the topics we discussed, more knowledgable about each other, and, joyfully, in closer relationships.

Highly recommend!